"If you just learn a single trick, Scout, you'll get along alot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from their point of view...until you climb into their skin and walk around in it." Atticus Finch To Kill A Mockingbird
I think that reading this story has opened my eyes to a whole new level of compassion. I'm not sure if anyone else loves this story as much as I do, but so many amazing things about life and Christ's overall message can be derived from its pages. I think it's important to discuss true empathy when considering compassion. One of the key ways to train a soldier to kill is to teach them to look at the enemy as an animal...to dehumanize them. I'm convinced that every prejudice, every apartheid, every war begins with the fundamental steps of turning the opposing party into something other than our "fellow man"...
When we view others as the overwhelming emotion that we mistakenly associate as them, the result is a new ability to tare them to shreds. Talk to any war veteran from any era and you'll understand my perspective. My Great-Grandfather was stationed in Pearl Harbor when the Japanese began their invasion... to him the Japanese became animals that could easily be disposed of... no longer humans with families, wives, children, parents; when talking to my Grandfather about Vietnam, he refers to the "enemy" as "zipper-heads"... I'm convinced that this technique our brain uses to dehumanize the opposition is a survival mechanism that kicks in only because we are incapable of rationally being able to deal with the horrible things that we do or have done to other humans.
As followers of The Way, we are commissioned to love all and show compassion, which I believe is rooted in empathy... we actually have to, as Jesus did, fully take on their perspective in a way that loves our neighbors as we love ourselves. Perfect life like examples that we have had from our history can be found in those of Mother Theresa and Gandhi. These folks didn't just talk about how the poor, widowed, and marginalized were being mistreated. They knew how they were being mistreated because they lived and walked with these folks daily. I think that what has plagued the Church for the past fifty years is that in keeping up with the American Dream, we have dehumanized the divorced, the abused, the addicted, the crass, the misdressed, and the down and out. What has happened in my opinion is a slow seeping of our love into the sewers before it can ever leave the door posts of the buildings. In many ways we have taken this lifestyle of loving on the marginalized that Jesus commanded and turned it into short term missions and "charity". We, the Church, not only don't know the struggle of our brothers and sisters in the pews next to us... but we no longer see those afflicted with poverty as humans... they are simply statistics... numbers that beg us of our extra cash, extra food, extra clothes, extra cars...and that's all we are willing to give: whatever is extra. True empathy, is the ability to give all we have to help our fellow sisters and brothers because upon truly seeing things from their perspective we have to. I think that compassion is just a beneficial by-product of empathy. The question that I feel is necessary to ask here is: How can we become a people of empathy? The major issues of the day plead for our empathy: the homosexual, the homeless, the starving, the aids victim, the teen who needs the abortion, the woman is treated as a second class citizen to her male counterparts... the list goes on and will continue too. How can we become a people of empathy?
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Jese, about to hit the hay here. I love this but don't have a helluva lot of time to respond. However, I do have a question. If empathy at some point means walking in the skin of another, how then do we maintain the ethic(s) we see in Scripture while at the same time trying to walk in empathy? For instance, to have empathy for the homosexual (sorry, I hope this doesn't stir up a hornet's nest...that's not my intention), do I have to have, at some point, experienced homosexual love for another man? Or, is there a place wherein I know the depths of my own struggles and in some universal way draw upon those in order to empathize with someone?
ReplyDeleteAnother thought: There is no way we can walk in the skin of all those with whom we want to have empathy. For instance, you and I, my friend, will never know what it's like to get pregnant and struggle with the choice of whether or not to have an abortion. However, as males, we still must find the space to empathize with the woman who has been faced with this struggle.
And, one last thing: I am learning lately that, if I can leave my labels of people at the door and see them in a space where we have common ground, I find the ability to listen, to hear, and to connect so much more fruitful. Peace bro. Love ya.
Hey there. Just wanted to say this is a good, timely post. It'll need to soak in for a bit before I add to the discussion.
ReplyDeleteBut real quick: Dan's comment regarding contrived empathy reminds me of a Southpark episode where a bunch of white kids were trying really hard to know what it was like to be a minority. They were shooting for empathy but kept missing the mark, resorting to stereotypes and quick fixes of the problems (or perceived problems) they faced. The lesson in the end, the eureka moment, was when one of them said something like, "I get it now: I don't get it! I don't understand what it's like to be a minority!"
ReplyDeleteMaybe admitting we don't get someone's struggles is the first step of bridge-building toward them.
Hey Danno - good stuff brotha. In response to your first question, it's my opinion that we absolutely can remain within the ethics of Scriptue and still have empathy with someone. I think that Christ depicts the perfect example of a universal space for this to exist in that of John 8:3-11; (you without sin cast the first stone). I personally feel that it is here Christ creates the space for all sin to be judged equally, therefore we can all relate in someway with one another's struggles. But is completely relating actually empathy?
ReplyDeleteI think also that this answers your second question as well... though I wasn't pregnant my wife and I found ourselves in an extremely shameful and horrific posistion when we found out we were pregnant with our first. I feel that in many ways, though I am male, I can relate well with deciding whether or not to keep a baby.
Thridly, I completely agree and see it as good wisdom if we can learn to drop labels. I think this is one of the key players in empathy itself. Restoration comes with the realization that these are in fact people - labels are part of the dehumanizing process.
Right on Lori - lol, good insight. All too often we think we have to have the answers in order to make a difference. Sometimes the only place to allow God to truly work is for our pride to die, allowing our heart to be humbly permeated by the Holy Spirit... which I think gives God a place to speak.
ReplyDeleteLori, I love that so many of your insights can be summed up in South Park anecdotes. Very, very cool.
ReplyDeleteEmpathy seems to me a troublesome task- we are all coming from such differing backgrounds and perspectives, that my attempt to empathize with you is so colored by my own point of view as to be largely unhelpful; in fact, it may even be destructive in the sense that I start pitying you for all sort of things you don't want to be pitied for. Not to be a total downer about empathy, but I'm just wondering if this is really an attainable goal - we will NEVER fully understand each other, and to pretend that we do can be an affront.
So although it's probably important to try and see from the perspective of the other, we should also admit up-front our inevitable failure to do so, and in the end our goals should be towards acceptance, tolerance, respect, and conversation.
Nikki, good thoughts here. I wonder if I can't push back a little here, though. Although empathy seems like a troublesome task, if we take the words of Paul in Romans - "All have sinned and fallen short of God's glory" or "All have broken relationship with God" - then I think/believe that we all have a common source from which to draw upon for empathy. I don't have to be a drug addict to understand that my irresponsible decisions affect everyone around me. As far as pity goes, I think I'd reference Jese's first response to me and ask, "Are pity and empathy the same things?" As far as what we are empathic about regarding others can only come, as we know, through the difficult task of developing relationships with other people.
ReplyDeleteAnd a question: In relation to tolerance, can you expound on what you mean by this? Jeanine, myself, and her family have had not altogether good experiences with tolerance. Whether it's Jeanine presenting on Native North American issues or her father doing the same, being "tolerated" doesn't amount to much when attempting to teach people about issues surrounding Native North Americans (or anything, IMO, for that matter). For me, I'd rather know where someone stands by their own admittance of bigotry rather than trying to determine what they are thinking when they "tolerate" what I'm saying (or what Jeanine is saying, teaching, presenting, etc.). It seems to me that if we actually know where someone stands, then it makes it a little easier to determine how to be in relationship with them. But, I don't know if that's what you're getting at, so I look forward to your reply. Peace all.
Hey Dan-
ReplyDeleteI have just a coupla minutes here, so I'm going to respond to your questions about tolerance and leave the rest for later. I think what you brought up about tolerance being a hindrance to relationship is interesting, and frankly, I hadn't thought about it that way. I was talking about it more in terms of how we act towards one another after having engaged in conversation and learned that we fundamentally disagree about an issue. While I believe absolute truth exists (in God) I also believe each of us only knows in part. So when empathy totally fails and we absolutely cannot understand where the hell someone else is coming from, we should still probably refrain from condemning. A paraphrase from Gandhi - there are causes for which I will die, but there are no causes for which I will take a life. I think Gandhi understood that even with the best intentions we can never be sure we are right - thus the need for tolerance.
I think Jack Bauer would have serious misgivings about this conversation.
ReplyDeleteHa.
Which is why he kind of bugs me. (He's the star character in the tv series, 24, and he gets things done, whatever it takes. The end justifies the means, hardcore.) I bring that up just to say: it's hard to not let The Way get in, well, the way, of things you run across in life, in the media, etc.
And I reckon that's the way it's supposed to be.
ReplyDeleteGosh. Punning is hard to quit.