Common definitions of compassion read like the following: a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken with misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering. To me this definition creates the idea that compassion requires us to join another in their misery, as if to be miserable ourselves. How does one go about this as Christ would? How do we know we are effectively helping those in need? We may need a definition of compassion that is more powerful. The point I’m trying to make is that for true compassion we will have to expand our understanding so we don’t mistakenly create more sorrow from suffering.
What if compassion is simply the active expression of acceptance for the world and people just as they are? I am reminded of the movie Lars and The Real Girl . In the movie the main character has major social and detachment issues. His sister in law obviously has what most would call true compassion for him and his situation. It seems that Lars has a difficult time watching his brother and sister-in-law grow closer and enjoy life together. As he peers out the window of his garage-turned-apartment (which used to be his parents but they passed away recently), it as if his life is meaningless. He then proceeds to purchase a mail in, anatomically correct, life size doll, to be his girlfriend. As the story unfolds, the people in the town, especially his family, don’t waste time with telling him he’s messed up in the head. They play along with the whole plot, inviting him and his fake love to dinner and all types of community outings. They completely accept him for where he is at in his own life journey. They whole heartedly respect his wishes and they make it a point to let him know that his life is important to them. Eventually Lars stages a funeral for her, and the whole town is relieved to realize that he's moving on to a "real girl". I think the key to this movie is the community motivation to stick it out with him for as long as he was stuck! True compassion is being able to look at the whole world without expectations that it should be any different. We can still hold a vision of possibility for the world, but we don’t use it as a standard of comparison for rejecting where the world is right now. In this way we can avoid the personal emotional reactions that create sadness, sorrow, pity, and what I’ve recently realized in my own life: bitterness.
When there are these emotions, compassion has turned into personal unhappiness and only adds to suffering. Feeling the emotional pain of another doesn’t relieve their suffering. I wonder if in all actuality it adds to the collective field of unconsciousness, creating suffering. If someone is suffering from hunger then it is more appropriate to provide nourishing food. If they are thirsty, provide them something to drink. If someone is in emotional pain bring your love and unconditional acceptance. It would not help people for the caretakers to go hungry and thirsty also. It would have been extremely worthless for the whole community to buy fake girlfriends and join in Lars's misery. However, it seems this is often the approach people take with their empathy or sympathy when people are without love and acceptance. When caretakers have emotional reaction of sadness or sorrow they nourish no one. A compassionate person brings the nourishment of love and acceptance to the situation that is starving for those emotions until someone can feed themselves.
Sometimes the best action you can take to help relieve emotional suffering of another is being present with your attention on the person and say nothing. Oddly enough modern physics tell us that our attention transforms experience. Although slow, other options driven by impatience and reaction usually create more chaos.
Luke 15:20 So he got up and went to his father. "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
Compare
Luke 15:1-2 [1] Now the tax collectors and "sinners" were all gathering around to hear him. [2] But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, "This man welcomes sinners and eats with them."
1 John 2:6 Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.
Hmmm... I think you make some good points about what compassion looks like on a person-to-person level. But you stated that true compassion is being able to look at the whole world without expectations that it should be any different. On this I disagree. I think that realizing what a broken place the world is is the beginning of compassion. And from there one can promote change. The discomfort we feel as a result of the crappy state of affairs in our world (global poverty, gender inequality) is the impetus for change to occur.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI agree. But I have one question; how do you separate the world and its crappy state, from the individuals who make up that world?
ReplyDeleteThis world is a broken place because it is comprised of broken people. And, we can not expect this world to change without first changing its people. Without first changing ourselves.
Alex, et. al.
ReplyDeleteIn response to your initial question in regard to going about things as Christ did, I think it's important to remember that Jesus did enter into our suffering and misery. The world was extremely broken for a long time before he stepped into the neighbourhood. As he lived, taught, and died, he took that misery and brokenness upon himself. His resurrection was evidence of the defeat of the suffering and death.
In regard to the definition that you first used, I don't see how that definition indicates that we have to suffer to the same degree that another person suffers. For one, compassion, when broken down, means "with passion." The Greek gets at it a little better and states something about "having feelings from the gut." So, in a few instances, Jesus has compassion on those whom he heals. I think that, if we are to act as Jesus acted, then taking on others' burdens (Galatians 6) will sometimes include taking on their suffering. It's simply a matter of what we do with that suffering and to Whom we take it that, I believe, makes the difference.
Nikki, I would agree with your last sentence but also add that I think that when we realize our own brokenness and sinful state mirrored back to us through that broken world, then our desire for our own healing also prompts our desire for God's healing of the world. Because we know that, through our own healing, it can only be through God's power that any real healing of Creation can occur. :) Tell your husband to email me your address.
Alex, sorry bro, I thought you posted this. Note that my first comment should have been addressed to Jese.
ReplyDeleteI agree with ya Nik - I think I missed the mark here and it's taken me a few months to process through it all. I also agree with you Dan. Alex, I think you are dead on when you say that we have to start with ourselves. I think achieving the true compassion perspective that Christ had is to widen our perspective of not just the role we play in the world, but that which we play in healing our own life.
ReplyDelete